Perfect is never good enough

A tons of internships in different areas? Check. Good grades? Check. Extracurricular activities? Check. More than one foreign language? Check. Excel, Powerpoint? Check. Honestly I also know how to Java. When leaving university I wanted to have the perfect CV. I did not want that anybody would say – Why haven’t you done an internship? What did you do besides going to university?
The perfect CV. That was my goal for years. I worked hard for that. Constantly stressed out. Running from one language course to another, being CEO of a student club, being chief editor of the student magazine, doing extracurricular activities, working on presentations until late in the night. Learning for exams while almost falling asleep. Internships where I worked 10 hours a day. I did everything. And when I achieved my master degree, I started feeling empty. I was starting to ask myself – For what? I always focused on having a broad knowledge than only being an expert in one field. I wanted to be an all-round talent. I wanted to have all possibilities and chances and now I am not good enough.

Starting point. I had a job interview for an innovation job – Helping and consulting start-ups to get on their feed and exploring real potentials. I studied international marketing so my job was to detect market potentials and preparing market entries. From my point of view it is not that different. But that is only my point of view. According to the man who did the job interview with me it was a completely different world and he said I am completely unfitting for the role. Because I studied something without an innovation aspect and because I have no experience in consulting. Ok I started to smile and I was  thinking – Have you looked at my CV? How much more do I need to prove that I am willing to learn? That I did many internships in different areas with excellent results? That I not only learned how to say 你好 but also learned to understand the computer? That it is more important to know a lot of things quite a bit than to be an expert in only one field. Honestly: what do you need to study to become an expert in detecting potentials?

So I replied: I may not been experienced in this field – That’s why I am here. I am standing in the beginning of my career – I want to learn more and more. This is my purpose of my working life – Growing through knowing.

He was saying something like. Oh ok, an interesting point of view. Eventually I did not get the job. I said no before they gave me an answer. I would have had to move to Hamburg, Germany and I hate Hamburg. And it sounds rare but I didn’t want the job anymore. When I read the job description I really really wanted to do that, but while doing the interview I was thinking like: This is not my purpose in life. I cannot describe it. Sometimes you just don’t see yourself there. And I don’t see myself in Hamburg. And I don’t see myself in a job where the only thing that matters is the point of having an innovation course in your studies.

I am convinced that we have such a short time here on earth. I know I am not in the position to give life advises, because I also feel a bit empty right know. With not knowing where to go and where to go next. But why doing something which does not make you happy – where the day goes by and you think: another month is over, another year and your dreams slowly die away. You forget the person you were meant to be and wanted to be – The risk-taking and spontaneous person with a “just do it” mentality – because working life and routine will put you in a comfort zone.

The comfort zone is good. It is very comfortable. Very relaxing. But it does not help me grow. It does not help me to challenge myself.
So I still want a new job: I don’t want a job to fulfill me. I want a job to help me grow. I don’t want to move to Hamburg but I am open to work in other places. I am not pursuing happiness – I pursuit growth and putting myself to my limits and above. Because life is about courage and going into the unknown.

Lesson learned for today:
Sometimes it’s just the wrong door you knock on, not necessarily that there is none.

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