I do not like writing

If you like writing and trying to keep a blog alive, people are constantly asking you why you are writing. What do you have to tell that is interesting? Is writing not only for people who really have something to say? What do you know in your mid 20s about real life? Well, you simply write. Some make it out of passion, some out of habit, some to get attention.

I believe it is much more interesting why one does not write at all. I am well-informed in non-writing, I can write no single sentence for weeks and when I write, then I prefer notes like “EM plan, call SR, appointment,” where I do not know after a day or even after one hour what I was planning to do with these notes. I also do not learn from it. Next week, I will write useless keywords into my notebook again. I am an expert in this subject. Finally an expert!
Sometimes I do not write, because everything is too exhausting for me. Getting up, going to work, attending language courses and afterwards thinking and writing something that should enrich the internet, who wants to withstand this writing pressure? My ninth blog is that now, more or less. Will further blog beginnings follow – who knows? Writing is a love-hate relationship. I do not enjoy it, but on the other hand I cannot turn away and live without it. I start a blog and break off after ten posts. I start again and look at my posts, which I often do not like anymore and I start deleting it, sometimes even after a day or so. I break off again, but I cannot let go and I start again. Sounds a bit like being on turkey. Sometimes I forget my password, or my login data. Before finding out which of my numerous email addresses I used and which password belongs to which email account, I inevitably prefer to start again with a new one.

Very often I do not write because I just do not feel like it. Sometimes there are mornings when I simply cannot get up, would I not remember my cash account or my roommate’s cat loudly meowing in front of my locked door. The cat knows my routine better than I do. Therefore, it might be better to go to work. For politicians, the reason for getting up is certainly the monthly blessing. Probably they are constantly being asked why they are actually sleeping in parliament instead of staying in bed in the first place.
Very often it goes day-by-day like this, sometimes over weeks. Most of the time I decide to go to work despite my highlighted non-motivation. I’m currently less inclined to sport that I prefer even less than writing. In some guidebooks, you should often take the stairs and walk instead of taking the bus. Exercising is good. So, exercising and whining.

Sometimes I do not write because I can literally surf the internet for hours. This is not my fault, Wikipedia is so cleverly created, that you simply cannot stop jumping from article to article because of the hyperlinks. If you were previously with Leonardo diCaprio you suddenly find yourself in the Wild West, or on the Titanic or reading about cocaine and drug addiction as in the “Basketball Diaries”. This knowledge enhancement is important. Often useless, but a dignified distraction. Distraction is a powerful opponent, allied with laziness almost invincible. By contrast, only deadlines and a conscience full of guilt help.

Often I do not write, not because I do not have many ideas, but rather because I mostly forgot them after work. After minutes staring at an empty draft, I give it up. Writing is not my hobby, I like reading and talking. A broad vocabulary is important, language is power. Writing is therefore a part of it. It is like a package you have to take with you, like a underwear combination or a furniture set. Actually, I would rather try to become a motivational speaker, but when speaking, you cannot rethink sentences. So writing. Generally, my hobbies are different things: watching movies, traveling, walking around aimlessly for hours, learning languages, ordering sushi, lying around. Reading books. Stuff that is more fun than writing.

The main reason why I do not like writing is probably due to complexes and my inability which stand in my way. Because it is easier to convince oneself that one can do nothing instead of trying and then fail first. Because I am scared of bad comments or no visits, which would displace nice letters. Because my texts seem to me to be non-synchronous, non-thematic, strange and unimportant, and I do not want to overtax the world even more about this crap, considering how many self-proclaimed authors in Kindle Direct Publishing and how many amateur texts are floating around on various platforms. Then usually follows the same procedure between my driving motivation and nervous struggles, between childish defiance and adult complex, until I finally pull myself together again, posting another text. They are not that bad either – The real reason.

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